The thing about spiritual and creature comforts when you've been living in two places for a while is you have both in each place. So you're never not missing somethng 🩵 that's the biggest downside I see.
“Loss of community, of family, and of place are the greatest sacrifices.” That so rang true for me! When living in Costa Rica I was filled with profound loss being away from those close to me. I loved it there but missed family. It also was initially hard to find my “community” and when I found some friends it felt like home. I also felt same about deciding to move initially- that if we didn’t do it right then it may never have happened. I’m glad we took the leap as I’m sure you are!
You're at the start of the adventure! We're incredibly glad we did this and living in a new country has proved to be incredibly fulfilling. It's just an emotionally complicated undertaking.
> Unless you move to a place that is truly xenophobic, such as Japan
I've been working on curbing my impulses to push back on stray internet comments, but .... this seems to be a friendly enough place, and I'll do my best to keep it short. This is in a similar category as the various misconceptions about Mexico that this blog has been doing such excellent work to dispel.
Japan is not an especially xenophobic place. It is probably xenophobic in its own unique way, but .... most places are. Speaking both from observation and from direct personal experience from living 6+ years here, the vast majority of this perception is coming from language barriers / misunderstandings, with another significant chunk coming from cultural differences / misunderstandings. There is of course a small minority of actual xenophobic jerks here, but that's the same as any other place.
Honestly, I was surprised to see Japan and the US mentioned in the same sentence on this topic, given what's happening in the US right now -- there's really no comparison. As for a few quick examples, you can currently get PR in Japan in as little as a year (without any language requirement) on certain visa types, and citizenship after 5 years on any visa type (same as Mexico, I think?). Japan does not have quotas based on what country you are coming from (at least, as far as I know, for the visa categories I have interacted with), and it has certainly not been arbitrarily cancelling current valid visas.
Back to the main topic of the post -- I definitely do miss the kind of joking-around chatting that happens when you are talking with someone who grew up stewing in the same culture! I feel very lucky to be living in an age where it's relatively easy to connect with friends and loved ones overseas on a regular basis.
No, I'm glad you commented! One of the biggest downsides of memoir-style writing is that it's told from the perspective of just a single person, and a huge downside of blogging/newslettering is that you're working without an editor (although my wife Andrea does read all of my work and give me suggestions before I post). Your comments make me realize that in a single line, I introduced the appearance of bias and also did not at all explain why I said what I did about Japan to begin with.
The unsaid part is that, years ago, when I was completing my doctorate, I took part in a study abroad trip to Japan and had a chance to visit with a university professor named Adam Komisarof (https://japanintercultural.com/about-us/team/adam-komisarof/), whose specialty and area of research is Japanese integration. I also purchased and read his book At Home Abroad: The Contemporary Western Experience in Japan. My takeaway was that you could spend a lifetime trying to integrate into Japanese society and that, basically, it's impossible. Because of all of the cultural factors at play and Japan's centuries of isolationism, you could devote your entire life to trying to integrate and you'd never be completely accepted.
But, then again, I have no actual experience living in Japan and have only been lucky enough to visit, so it's not like I've got a huge reservoir of personal experience to weigh my perception against. Plus, his book was published 13 years ago, and societies shift, and that's certainly true about Japan. And I wasn't intentionally trying to equate the particular flavor of America's modern-day racism with what's happening in Japan. By putting those two countries next to each other in that particular sentence, I created an equivalency that wasn't what I was trying to say, and I understand completely why you'd be taken aback and offended. I'm experiencing the danger of making broad statements without a secondary, dedicated editor and delving into deep topics that transcend the type of writing I typically do here. Plus, I did myself a disservice by not establishing myself as having thought and read about this far more deeply than that sentence would suggest, although by no means would I pass myself off as an expert about either this particular subject or about Japan, a country I deeply love and understand to be incredibly complex.
I do wonder if maybe I should try to write more of a reported story about this subject and interview people who have themselves moved to Mexico (or like yourself, other countries) to talk about what the expat/immigrant experience is like. My experience, and the grad school education I received on this subject, says that it's extremely difficult to separate yourself from your own biases, and Mexico, like Japan, is a nuanced place. Maybe I can prevent myself from making this sort of mistake again by more actively asking other people about their experiences and contrasting that against my own.
Thanks for the added context! I did make some incorrect assumptions about your experience and depth of knowledge on the topic and I apologize for that.
I agree that Japan can be a difficult place to integrate! (is it *especially* difficult? I'm definitely not qualified to say, but this is one of the questions I have that makes me really interested to learn about expat experiences to and from different places, such as this blog.) For an English speaker, the language is hard! For an American, the cultural and communication differences are huge and endlessly surprising! Even after 6 years, I am still learning new things, and newly uncovering my own misconceptions, biases, and misunderstandings, nearly every day. It is sometimes stressful but always mind-expanding -- it's both a challenge and a joy of being an expat.
We have been here in San Augustin Etla for 10 months and while I really enjoy it, I know I would be miserable if I didn't get to (have to for medical reasons) go back to Portland every couple of months to see my kids, grandson, and best friends. On the other hand, my husband is happier than I've ever seen him and he is happy with returning once a year, if that.
Beautifully written. The eternal catch 22 - when I’m in Mexico, I miss my life in the US, and when I’m in the US, I miss my life in Mexico.
Totally agree!
The thing about spiritual and creature comforts when you've been living in two places for a while is you have both in each place. So you're never not missing somethng 🩵 that's the biggest downside I see.
I love this sentiment Nadine and completely agree - I just wrote about exactly this. My soul will forever be in two places!! Article here in case it resonated - https://open.substack.com/pub/sineadconnolly/p/homes-on-both-sides-of-the-world?r=tdxdn&utm_medium=ios
“Loss of community, of family, and of place are the greatest sacrifices.” That so rang true for me! When living in Costa Rica I was filled with profound loss being away from those close to me. I loved it there but missed family. It also was initially hard to find my “community” and when I found some friends it felt like home. I also felt same about deciding to move initially- that if we didn’t do it right then it may never have happened. I’m glad we took the leap as I’m sure you are!
Not yet, I don’t regret it, but I’m only two weeks in!
You're at the start of the adventure! We're incredibly glad we did this and living in a new country has proved to be incredibly fulfilling. It's just an emotionally complicated undertaking.
Absolutely!!
> Unless you move to a place that is truly xenophobic, such as Japan
I've been working on curbing my impulses to push back on stray internet comments, but .... this seems to be a friendly enough place, and I'll do my best to keep it short. This is in a similar category as the various misconceptions about Mexico that this blog has been doing such excellent work to dispel.
Japan is not an especially xenophobic place. It is probably xenophobic in its own unique way, but .... most places are. Speaking both from observation and from direct personal experience from living 6+ years here, the vast majority of this perception is coming from language barriers / misunderstandings, with another significant chunk coming from cultural differences / misunderstandings. There is of course a small minority of actual xenophobic jerks here, but that's the same as any other place.
Honestly, I was surprised to see Japan and the US mentioned in the same sentence on this topic, given what's happening in the US right now -- there's really no comparison. As for a few quick examples, you can currently get PR in Japan in as little as a year (without any language requirement) on certain visa types, and citizenship after 5 years on any visa type (same as Mexico, I think?). Japan does not have quotas based on what country you are coming from (at least, as far as I know, for the visa categories I have interacted with), and it has certainly not been arbitrarily cancelling current valid visas.
Back to the main topic of the post -- I definitely do miss the kind of joking-around chatting that happens when you are talking with someone who grew up stewing in the same culture! I feel very lucky to be living in an age where it's relatively easy to connect with friends and loved ones overseas on a regular basis.
No, I'm glad you commented! One of the biggest downsides of memoir-style writing is that it's told from the perspective of just a single person, and a huge downside of blogging/newslettering is that you're working without an editor (although my wife Andrea does read all of my work and give me suggestions before I post). Your comments make me realize that in a single line, I introduced the appearance of bias and also did not at all explain why I said what I did about Japan to begin with.
The unsaid part is that, years ago, when I was completing my doctorate, I took part in a study abroad trip to Japan and had a chance to visit with a university professor named Adam Komisarof (https://japanintercultural.com/about-us/team/adam-komisarof/), whose specialty and area of research is Japanese integration. I also purchased and read his book At Home Abroad: The Contemporary Western Experience in Japan. My takeaway was that you could spend a lifetime trying to integrate into Japanese society and that, basically, it's impossible. Because of all of the cultural factors at play and Japan's centuries of isolationism, you could devote your entire life to trying to integrate and you'd never be completely accepted.
But, then again, I have no actual experience living in Japan and have only been lucky enough to visit, so it's not like I've got a huge reservoir of personal experience to weigh my perception against. Plus, his book was published 13 years ago, and societies shift, and that's certainly true about Japan. And I wasn't intentionally trying to equate the particular flavor of America's modern-day racism with what's happening in Japan. By putting those two countries next to each other in that particular sentence, I created an equivalency that wasn't what I was trying to say, and I understand completely why you'd be taken aback and offended. I'm experiencing the danger of making broad statements without a secondary, dedicated editor and delving into deep topics that transcend the type of writing I typically do here. Plus, I did myself a disservice by not establishing myself as having thought and read about this far more deeply than that sentence would suggest, although by no means would I pass myself off as an expert about either this particular subject or about Japan, a country I deeply love and understand to be incredibly complex.
I do wonder if maybe I should try to write more of a reported story about this subject and interview people who have themselves moved to Mexico (or like yourself, other countries) to talk about what the expat/immigrant experience is like. My experience, and the grad school education I received on this subject, says that it's extremely difficult to separate yourself from your own biases, and Mexico, like Japan, is a nuanced place. Maybe I can prevent myself from making this sort of mistake again by more actively asking other people about their experiences and contrasting that against my own.
Thanks for the added context! I did make some incorrect assumptions about your experience and depth of knowledge on the topic and I apologize for that.
I agree that Japan can be a difficult place to integrate! (is it *especially* difficult? I'm definitely not qualified to say, but this is one of the questions I have that makes me really interested to learn about expat experiences to and from different places, such as this blog.) For an English speaker, the language is hard! For an American, the cultural and communication differences are huge and endlessly surprising! Even after 6 years, I am still learning new things, and newly uncovering my own misconceptions, biases, and misunderstandings, nearly every day. It is sometimes stressful but always mind-expanding -- it's both a challenge and a joy of being an expat.
Thank you for this.
We have been here in San Augustin Etla for 10 months and while I really enjoy it, I know I would be miserable if I didn't get to (have to for medical reasons) go back to Portland every couple of months to see my kids, grandson, and best friends. On the other hand, my husband is happier than I've ever seen him and he is happy with returning once a year, if that.